Blogging. What does it mean? Why would I want to do it? I mean, who would ever care what I have to say? The truth is I am drawn to it because it meant a lot to my mom. She was an avid blogger and had quite a following. http://www.fourdogday.blogspot.com/. I didn’t read her blog everyday when she was here…but now that she is gone her blog is like gold to me. I mean, don't take that the wrong way - I am not blogging just in case I die to leave my family an online memoir. But for the past few months I have wanted to give it a try. So I will. I may not keep up with it. I may not like it. I may quit. Or not. Who knows.
Anyway, I am 37 year old married mother of an almost 16 month old. My husband, Chris, and I live in his original bachelor pad in Chicago which we are trying to sell so we can move on to the suburbs and buy a house. Ahhh…when I write it really sounds so stereotypical I could vomit. But it is what it is. Since I had my son my life has none the less become chaos. Typical I assume. I feel lucky in the morning to get out of the house with matching socks. I work part time (4 days a week, 6 hours a day) …but I have a long commute – so I really feel like I am out of the house full time. Right now we have a nanny 3 days a week and my son goes to my MIL one day a week. But he soon will start daycare. Good luck to them and him. He has no schedule and no structure. Our fault of course, but I thought it was best for him to just be “free”. We will see how he adapts in a few weeks.
Life with a toddler is….well….insane. When people ask me when we are having another I want to laugh hysterically and say NEVER. I don’t know if that is true or not, but we live in a one bedroom condo on the 3rd floor with no elevator and my kid still doesn’t sleep through the night because his crib is like 5 feet away from me. So having another kid just isn’t in the cards right now. And may never be. All my life I wanted to have a child. Now I have one. And it is tough. Don’t get me wrong – he makes me happy every single day. I love him more than anything. But there is nothing easy about being a parent.
I always feel so disheartened by those amazing moms that just seem to ooze motherhood and being domestic. I feel like I just am running around like a maniac hoping, like I said earlier, to get out of the house with matching socks. I was never like this before. I kept a very clean home, I liked having matching, well fitting, fashionable clothing, I didn’t allow for chipped fingernail polish….etc. But now as an example…we were having a showing for our condo the other day and had about 1 hour to clean before Chris got home with the kid. I was running around cleaning and when I got to the bathroom hand towels I realized I just didn’t want to deal with laundry but I knew they were dirty. So…as gross as it is…I turned them around because the other side looked fine. Jesus. Who am I? I have no idea. Seriously. I have no idea who this person is I have become, but I am pretty sure I am a mommy who has chipped nailpolish, is crammed tightly into my jeans which don’t look flattering, has my wet hair in a ponytail to go to work and has a minimally clean house. Is that wrong?
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